Hey, this is Redban coming to you LIVE FROM THE COMEDY MOTHERSHIP HERE IN AUSTIN, Texas for a brand NEW EPISODE OF KILL TONY. GIVE IT UP, TONY. HINCHCLIFFE.
Who's ready for the best [ FUCKING ] NIGHT OF THEIR LIVES? HUH?
Yippee, Make some noise for Brian Redban ladies and gentlemen, and that is the best damn band in all the land. Make some [ Fucking ] noise for them. Raul Vallejo, Fernando Castillo, Carlos Sosa, Trese Leches, Michael Gonzalez, Nachos Bell Grande, the great white pudding, Matt Muelling on the electric guitar, John Dee's on the keys, and the almighty powerful, Praise be to the one and only Dee Madness on the bass guitar.
Oh my lord, what a show we have for you tonight. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. All right, before we get into it, I got to tell you guys about something. We just launched Kill Tony Plus. Here's the deal. You sign up, you get every new episode ad free and uncensored. We're giving members a brand new angle of the show that's never been seen before. This is as close as you can get to sitting in the audience. You also get bonus content, Q&A episodes, behind the-scenes stuff, extra bits you're not getting anywhere else. And there's perks on the merch store, too. It's five bucks a month. That's less than a cost of a beer or a pack of cigarettes or a lot of fun things. Links in the description or go straight to killtony.supercast.com to join. This is a very, very exciting opportunity for all you diehard fans and super haters. Go to killtony.supercast.com.
All right, back to the show. Good evening. Tonight's sponsor is Merryweather Farms Natural Beef Stick.
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Are you guys ready to start tonight's [ __ ] show or what?
Ladies and gentlemen, every single week I like to book it fresh. I like to book it hot, as good as it can possibly be, just the way that I want it. And this week is no exception. This is one of the shows where there is a guest on that I have wanted to book on this show for its 13y year existence and I've never gotten to have him until tonight. Tonight we jam and I matched him up with one of my favorite local comedians that I work with every single week. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for two of the funniest [ __ ] comedians in the world. It's the great Gary Owen and Brian Simpson.
Oh yeah. Gary [ __ ] Owen is in the house.
And Brian goddamn Simpson. Holy [ __ ] Holy [ __ ] Holy [ __ ] Holy [ __ ] Oh my god. Ladies and gentlemen, how about a hand for the Kill Tony debut of Gary Owen? Ladies and gentlemen, ever since I was a door guy at the comedy store, I was watching this guy [ __ ] rip the absolute roof off of especially black rooms. And there was really only one white guy fearless enough to do that at that time and it was him. I mean, just absolutely dominating. and I would be there at a at 11 uh 12 lbs uh in a comedy store t-shirt watching from the back of the room after seating everybody in their seats. And I thought to myself, "Wow, maybe one day, maybe one day I can make an all black audience laugh the way that he does." And as you saw at the Kevin
Hart roast, I accomplished that mission.
>> But Gary, you're the man. Welcome to the show. >> Thank you. First time. Hell yeah. >> We're gonna have some fun. And I've matched you up perfectly with my great peer, the powerful Brian Simpson, a man who gets it. On the opposite of you, Gary, Brian's been ripping white rooms for the last 13 years.
It's been absolutely destroying only white audiences.
So, this is perfect. This is a [ __ ] uh >> without powers combined. >> That's right. This is an episode that everyone's going to enjoy. Uh I love it.
Uh Gary, this is your first time on the show. Over 250 people signed up for this mama jama tonight. If they get pulled out of this bucket, they get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know their time is up when you hear the sound of a kitten.
That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear.
And that wraps up their set completely. I conduct an interview. The whole thing's improvised. Anything can happen. Are you guys ready to start tonight's [ __ ] show? Wow. I'm going to let this Japanese hooker pull the first name out of the bucket.
And while we go wait for that bucket pull to be wrangled, I have a golden ticket winner who has not been on for quite a while here to give us a brand new minute. Make some noise for the return of Charlie Mac. Everybody, HERE COMES CHARLIE MAC.
CALM DOWN, Y'ALL. I just finished my last tour, man. I went to Germany. If you ain't never been to Germany, Germany is nothing like what you expect. So many different races, religions. I'm like, "Wow, Hitler would be pissed."
Come back like, "Wesy [ __ ] you have zoos and niggas."
And that tour was called [ __ ] Them Kids. Don't Google that. You don't end up on a list.
Y'all got to be careful what y'all Google. Google almost got me sent to jail. Like my sister called me. She said, "Bro, I just had my son, but we got him a circumcision and it don't look right to me." I said, "I don't remember mine." So I said, "I got you. I'mma Google baby penises."
She said, "You better the [ __ ] not."
And that's my time, y'all. Thank you. >> Charlie Mag with exactly 57 seconds. Welcome back to the show, Charlie. How are you? >> Oh, I am great, man. How you doing? >> I'm fantastic. It's good to have you back. Great set. Welcome back. Let me ask you something, Charlie, because I'm looking at your smile. You have very tiny teeth.
>> How does a man with such tiny teeth show smile for the crowd because you just stopped smiling? And he knew. See, that's what people do. You make fun of them for their thing and they stop showing it. It's like, "Oh, [ __ ] He's about to get me." You have such tiny teeth. How do you eat so much for a man with such tiny teeth? What exact Are you getting pre-chewed beef or something?
>> It's good for [ __ ] >> Oh [ __ ] All right. Hell yeah.
I love it. I love it. Okay. In that case, how do you gain weight from eating [ __ ] >> If you got an accent, you ain't that good. Oh [ __ ] Oh [ __ ] That's right.
Everybody looks at me. You know that's a bad [ __ ] eater.
Oh my goodness. >> Is this your guys's first time seeing Charlie Mack? You ever seen anything quite like that? >> Fine.
You just I just met him today. >> Yes. Yes. Nice to meet you guys. >> Nice meeting you. Said you told me you was going on a on a world >> Yeah. Um I'm actually uh about to be the first black comedian to do all seven continents.
Oh [ __ ] >> Yeah, I already booked 43 countries, you guys. So, it's just a little hard cuz it cost money and I ain't got no money for it.
>> I booked it, but I don't know how I'm going to get there. >> Wow.
>> Seven. That means Antarctica. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Antarctica, too. >> Wait to see those pictures. >> Yeah. >> Someone's about to break the ice up there in uh Antarctica.
My goodness. Seven continents and all the condiments. Look at you. This is absolutely incredible.
You sure you're doing Antarctica? Who? What kind of agent do you have? Who's booking you on this [ __ ] tour?
>> Oh my god. Yes. >> Is there a venue that you're planning on doing in Antarctica? >> I'm taking um excursion through South America um into Antarctica.
>> You're taking an excursion and you're going to walk.
>> Are you walking from South Africa to Antarctica? Believe it or not, black people swim. So, >> I don't think you're swimming the Arctic Ocean. I have this mess. I think it's the Arctic Ocean's the other. I I really don't know. This is crazy. I bet you have an ant named Arctica, but I don't think you're doing Antarctica. Arctica Jenkins. WNBA power forward.
>> Oh my god, Charlie Mack. You are so interesting.
>> Seven continents. Which one are you most excited about? Um, Africa. >> Oh, wow. >> They're going to try to keep me. >> Yeah, my bad. >> King, >> but I feel like if you booked it, but you ain't paid for nothing yet. You just kind of wrote it down. You ain't really >> They don't know that you you raising money or something.
>> Yeah, I'm trying to uh do a GoFundMe.
I'm definitely trying to uh get a sponsors and everything, but it's hard. >> Oh, so you don't IT'S NOT BOOKED. >> NO, the the the cities are booked. the way to get there or not. >> Right. That's that that's two plane tickets everywhere. Uh >> he's not lying. He's not lying.
>> Flying must be really hard for you, right?
>> Uh it's not that hard. I just get Southwest. You get a second seat for free. >> Is that true? >> That is true. >> Southwest enabling ass [ __ ] >> Hell yeah. I better go on a diet. They said, "TWO SEATS, SET ONE FREE." I SAID, "FOR REAL?"
>> Give me that cake. God damn it. >> Oh my goodness. I love it. What else is going on, Charlie Mac? >> Uh, man. Um, I created a card game that I actually want to give you guys all a copy of it. I created everything in my damn self.
>> Oh, wow. Look at that.
>> Wow. Look at that. >> Yeah. This game is called Write That Down. It's really for comedians or party um people. You uh draw a prompt card and then everyone writes down answer to it. Like one says, "What's the worst thing to say at a funeral?"
>> Uhhuh. >> You write it down and whoever got the most points win.
>> Okay. All right. And you invented this. That's incredible. Where can people find this at? >> Oh, they can find that on my website, funnymack.com. >> Funnymack.com. That's Charlie spelled with an i.
>> If we if you start that gofundme, I'm going to donate the first $100.
>> Oh yeah, I already started. Yep. Um, you can definitely find that on my Instagram at funnymack. So goofund me on the link. >> Thank you. Brian's going to donate $100 under the name Anonymous. I'm betting >> this going to be a documentary, too. So, we're filming it.
>> Oh my goodness gracious. Wow.
>> I'm trying to do [ __ ] nobody else done. H >> Antarctica would be one of those things. >> There's a reason. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. I'm also um a radio personality here now in Austin >> on KZI 88.7.
>> Wow. Amazing. You do have a body for radio. That is incredible.
>> And the face. >> Yeah, you're killing it, Charlie. Well, way to get tonight's show started, man. I love it. You got it going. The party has started. One more time for Charlie Mack, everybody. Here we go. To the bucket we go, ladies and gentlemen.
As you guys may know, this is where [ __ ] gets a little crazy. Absolutely anything can happen here. We might find our next great talent out of this bucket, or uh it could be just a crazy person that didn't prepare at all. Anything can happen. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for your first bucket pool of the night. It's Cousin Maddie, everybody.
>> How we doing tonight, Austin? >> Hell yeah. Uh, when I was 23, I was having bloody shits.
>> Oh, yeah. >> I told my primary care and she said, "Get a colonoscopy." So, I did. And the drink the night before wasn't even remotely the worst part. I gave them my weight and they went to town on my [ __ ] [ __ ] Problem is, anesthetics didn't work and I was half awake the whole [ __ ] exam.
Apparently the doctor and I were having a fullblown four alarm conversation and I don't recall what was said verbatim, but I remember the key words UFC and Conor McGregor.
That was pretty dickpick. He was more into cardio back then. Um, call me God's books cuz I got friends in low places and one of them recently told me there is a G-spot for gay anal sex. Well, I saw I conquered, but I most certainly never came. And that's how I know I'm not a [ __ ] homosexual.
I am, however, 3 years overdue for a follow-up and probably have an [ __ ] cancer, but I'm I don't have health insurance and I'm terrified to go back.
Thank you very much. All right, cousin Maddie. That was an interesting story.
>> Hello, cousin. >> He sounded like he was reading a hostage note.
>> There was some real twang in that set. Some real twang in that set. Almost like you're a gay guy that's afraid your dad is going to watch this. And that's how I know I'm not a homosexual.
And that's coming from me. My >> I barely have to change my voice to do that gay impression. I really just changed the S's.
>> Toby, my dad's uh dead. In fact, his sixth year anniversary is coming up on September 3rd.
>> So, you know that he's watching from heaven right now, sir. >> And you don't want him to know you're gay. >> All right. Hey, hey, hey. $20 is $20 and a kill Tony appearance is a kill Tony appearance. You know what I'm saying?
>> I don't know what that means. What do you >> You definitely do know what that means.
>> I don't know what it mean. Explain it. What does that mean? >> $20 to $20. Uh, it's like, you know, >> no one knows what that means, but it's >> No one knows what it means, but what it means is provocative, Tony. Gets people going.
>> Okay. I I All right. I just said that. Okay. Uh, cousin Maddie, how long have you been attempting standup comedy?
>> Attempting uh a year. >> One year. Where at? >> Uh, I'm from [ __ ] Boston. >> Okay. Do you still live in Boston? >> Uh, no. I live here.
>> What do you do for work? I uh bounce at the Disney Rooster. In fact, I've seen you pass just about every Thursday night.
>> Oh, you have to talk a little bit slower, dude. You bounce the Disney Rooster. >> Yes. Two doors down. >> You bounce at the Disney Rooster. Got it. You're a bouncer.
>> Yes. >> Very interesting. Uh they have you out there bouncing.
>> Yes. >> Of all the people, you got Charlie Mack out here making [ __ ] card games at 450 lbs. And then we have this guy. It's bleeding out of my [ __ ] You get out of here, mister. You're not allowed in the Disney Rooster anymore. You got Charlie Mack being creative inventing [ __ ] You got these a white dudes out there [ __ ] >> bouncing at bars. Are you dick?
Red band. >> I'm a I'm a hardworking [ __ ] I have two jobs. Actually, >> when I was bouncing on his stick. >> All right. All right. All right, Red Band, take your win. Take your win. What are your two jobs? Blowing hand.
>> I work at Spencers during the day.
>> Oh god. Oh my god. I work at Spencers. You think I'm gay? Come see me at Spencers. >> Hey. Hey. It takes one to know one, Tony.
>> That's That's a good good one. All right.
>> Whoa. You know a thing or two cuz you've seen a thing or two. >> What? >> You know a thing or two cuz you've seen a thing or two. >> Okay. All right. Jesus. You say like six words at once. It doesn't make any It's a thing or two. It's a thing or two. A singer thing to a thing or two.
>> Can Can you do me one favor? Can you say suffering sucker time? >> What's that? >> Suffering supper time. >> Very good. Very good. Nailed it. Nailed it. Okay, cousin Maddie. When you're not working at Spencers or bouncing everyone out of here, uh, what do you do for fun?
Tell us more about your actual life.
>> Uh, hitting on single moms. >> Really? That's what you're into? >> Yes. >> Wow. When you're hitting on single moms, what what's your big pickup line? What do you have like a a move that works? >> Uh, yo, want to go houses on a bastard? >> Wow. All right.
>> What's another one? You have another big line? You have one that works? I mean, I I I I usually I usually go contextual, so I I see what's around me. I use my surroundings to my advantage, you know?
>> Yeah. >> I I feel nothing you could get arrested for that would surprise anybody that knows.
>> Uh my dad was a [ __ ] state trooper and I have a clean record, believe it or not. >> Wow. How did he die? >> Uh he got he got mowed down by a Prius in Massachusetts.
>> He got by a Prius. Oh my god. Normally, normally that's a [ __ ] broken ankle.
>> He actually >> Who dies from getting hit by a Prius? That's incredible. That's like >> That's like getting killed by a bird scooter. This is amazing. He got me mouth down by a birth scooter.
>> It was actually It was at 54.7 mph. >> Oh my god.
>> He survived and died 2 years later. >> He adds S's into things, by the way, accidentally. God has such a great sense. 54.7 m an hour.
>> It was a spectacular celebration. So, uh >> Oh my god, you are incredible. Uh >> one word.
>> So, did the guy Did the person driving the Prius, what type of person was it?
Did Did she look like that? >> It was a It was a he. >> It was a he. >> It was a he and he was actually gay. >> Wow. He was gay. Now, were you talking like that before the gay guy killed your father? That's a question because there could be some some psychological transfer here. I've seen this movie.
It's like Inception or something.
>> I I was a I was a pretty heavy drinker, so I talked a lot slower. >> Oh, wow. >> I'm sober now. >> How did you get sober? Tell us your trick to getting sober. >> Just put the bottle down, went to martial arts, and um did this.
>> I do Muay Thai and Kaga. >> Oh my god. >> Just from alcohol. >> Yeah. Yeah, just alcohol. I'm open to marijuana. Um, >> I wasn't offering, >> just so you know, just a little bit of math.
>> Hey, uh, I Brian, I actually gave you a light when you were walking by uh, Disney Rooster one night. You were walking by, you said, "Hey, you got a light?" I said, "Yeah, actually I do." I whipped out my Comedy Mothership lighter. Gave you a light. >> Wow. Amazing. That's amazing.
Unbelievable. So, you know, Krav Magra and uh Krav Maga and uh Muay Thai, you said? >> Yeah, I I train Muay Thai. I'm a little rusty because um >> a little rusty. Hope you don't mind.
Come see me at Spencer's.
This is amazing. The Disney Rooster or Spencers or Celebrations. It's another bar. >> I'm the first bucket pool. I didn't get to have a sip of water before. >> I didn't have a sip. I didn't have a bucket.
>> You're not some scissor. No.
>> Sounds like one of those little Evian bottles that like can spray your face with. >> I swear to God, Tony. >> If you make fun of the way I talk one more time, I'm going to spit on your face.
>> No, I I just beat the [ __ ] out.
>> I wouldn't sit on your face. I'm not like that. Uh, no. I've trained Muay Thai. I've trained Kaga. >> Wow. So, you're just baiting everybody with these S's. You just want someone to make fun of you so you could just rip their [ __ ] penis off and shove it up your ass.
>> We got D Madness getting uncomfortable back here. The famous homophobe D Madness on the bass guitar does not.
This guy does. He does. He's like, "Those S's sound suspicious as a [ __ ] I can't see him, but he SOUND GAY AS A [ __ ] Oh [ __ ] I'll tell you what, buddy.
You're leaving here with a mediumsiz BE homage handmade bone kill Tony jokebook.
There you go, pal. And he drops it. >> Fun times, cousin Maddie. Way to get the bucket started for us. There you go. So, you see that's how it goes. Sometimes the minute not great, but the interview can be amazing. Oh my god, it's the lovely Heidi. Everybody live in the flesh.
All right. Anyway, that's one bucket pool down. Hello there. It's a scorching sports summer and you can make all your picks on Prize Picks. Women's basketball and baseball are heating up and every football preseason game is kicking off this month on Prize Picks, America's number one sports pick app. You know, I've been getting in more and more into football as preseason ramps up, especially with all the rookies and players on new teams trying to make an impact. in prize picks gives me an easy way to follow all the action. I can make a lineup by selecting more or less on player projections. Add a few players together and track everything right in the app while I watch >> that football preset is here and there's no better place to run your game than prize picks. Build a lineup with players stats. Pick game winners spreads or
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That's right. Download the app today and use code Tony to get $150 instantly in lineups if you win your first $5 lineup. Download the app today and use code Tony to get $150 instantly in lineups when you win your first $5 lineup. Prize picks, America's number one sports pick app. We're getting word he's back at the Disney Rooster picking up a shift at Spencer's tomorrow. All right, your next bucket pool goes by the name Obviously, anything can happen here. People, make some noise for Clifton Harris, everybody. Here we go.
What up y'all? I've been doing comedy since 1984 >> in a different venue.
For the past 42 years, I've been a professional rodeo clown. >> Thank you. Traveling full-time. I raised my kid in the business. We were Hollywood and Boogerhead. I'm Hollywood Harris. And my little boy named Boogerhead. We traveled all over the country. And I tell you, we were in Johnson City. I was in Johnson City just a couple of weeks ago. He was at the PBR this weekend. Anybody go that entertainer out there, Brenson James, that's my little boogerhead. So, I tell you what, we've done a lot in rodeo, but uh this comedy thing pretty new. Uh standing up here in front of everybody, I figured I'd tell a few jokes and not get run over. All of the uh other comics, they they get ripped by Tony and heckled a little bit and uh if I bomb, I get a horn in the ass. All
right. I don't know. You know, I've never had one enter my ass, but I've had two of two friends of mine that have ripped their colon apart, >> but I tell you what, >> just just keep going, Clifton. Just keep >> I got punched in the ass also one time so hard it gave me a nose bleed. It my eye wouldn't open for about 30 minutes.
It hurts. Trust me. Thank you guys very much.
>> All right, Clifton Harris, ladies and gentlemen, let's check in with Brian Simpson first. I feel like somebody told him the interview was first. >> He was. Yeah. I got no questions for you, Clifton.
>> All right. See y'all. Thank you.
>> No. Amazing. I'm kidding. Stay up here. >> Goodbye. >> You wish, [ __ ] So gay. >> This is my first time here. But this is more gay than I thought.
>> Oh, it's crazy. You're here in You're Oh my god. We did. We went we went from an actual gay man to [ __ ] Dallas Buyers Club over here.
>> This is absolutely incredible. So, you were a rodeo clown for 42 years?
>> I still am today. >> Wow. 42 years in the game. >> I'll be in uh uh Cherokee, North Carolina next week. >> Oh my god.
>> The following week I'm in uh >> All right, that doesn't matter. Yeah. >> Um >> you ain't going to be there anyway.
>> So, you have a kid a son that does it as well? I do. How old is he? >> 33 now. Superstar. >> Wow. He's like >> He just worked Madison Square Garden last year.
>> Wow. Amazing. We just got back to Madison Square Garden. >> Major Only major building I think that I haven't worked myself and I got in the PBR and then they they went into Madison Square Garden after I got out.
>> Wow. You got out at the wrong time. >> I did. But my son My You You leave it to your kids, man. You know, you hope they do better than you.
>> Amazing. You passed the the red uh blanket. >> Yeah. We've had we we've been blessed. Very blessed. Wait, is your son also being a rodeo clown better than you?
>> Yes, he is. He's been doing it since he was 2 years old. Yep. He started in the act with me at two. Grew up and started flying around the country with me. And >> so, some real Carney [ __ ] right?
>> Uh, well, caries and rodeos are way different.
>> Really? Tell us about the differences. >> We don't know. Tell the tell these >> rodeos are cowboys. >> The real deal. I grew up in in the cattle business. My dad was in Waco, Texas. I was born there. We moved to Florida in 1970 to ship cattle back west. So, you know, rodeo just kind of came in the in the field there and guys did it that were worked for my dad and I always wanted to ride bulls and I couldn't ride bulls so I rode bucking horses all through high school and a college scholarship. I started clowning and they [ __ ] up and paid me.
>> Wow. And I we've been blessed. I've been wrecked and I've been blessed.
>> What's the worst injury that you've had out there getting run over by bulls? Well, I was in uh Boston one time and um this guy uh we're this guy the bull stepped in his nuts. All right. And I grabbed him. The bull fighters took the bull the other way and I run in and grabbed him up and I I took him to the fence and I got him up on top of the fence and when I got on the fence trying to get out of the bull's way, it kind of leaned back and I was like, "Oh [ __ ] I'll just sit real tight." Well, the bull hooked me in the ass and I expected to go over the fence.
Okay, red man. What? Do you have your finger hovering over the fart button?
You are such a child. >> This is about a man's integrity on the line here. >> Don't mess with Don't mess with his integrity.
>> Was for years. He's never had that timing hit. But good job.
>> Oh my god, that's hilarious. >> Burn. [ __ ] yeah. >> With what?
>> Oh, I love it. cliff in there as your >> Anyway, the the bull hooked me and the next thing I know I was ripped off the fence >> and I looked down and my pants were stretching and I'm Oh my god. Anyway, he hung his horn in my pants and ripped them down around my feet and I was hung to his head for 50 seconds >> with no pants on. Was that the last comedian?
>> He actually they were they were right around my feet and they wouldn't come off. And so I was swinging and he kicked both shoulders out a joint and did a Joe Thyman on this leg. If y'all guys know what that is.
>> Oh wow. >> And uh and but luckily um uh you know time slows down when you're about to die. I don't know anybody ever about to die in here. Time slows down when you're about to die and you go, "Good Lord, help me." And everything >> is Are you about to say that the Lord came down and helped you right now? Is that >> boom? My my p my shoes came off and the pants came off and I took off crawling to the fence. This shoulder's completely out of joint. This arm's broke. And when I roll over, my legs going yonder, >> right? And >> stories are really long.
>> Now, I know our rodeo clowns don't talk.
>> Yeah, exactly. >> Exactly. I was hoping the story was going to be less than 8 seconds, but >> in rodeo fashion, Clifton, let me ask you this. Here's the question on everybody's mind, I do believe. Do rodeo clowns get a lot of [ __ ] >> Well, let me answer that, Tony. I got [ __ ] in 1985.
I actually met my wife in '86 and then, you know, it was about 85°. It's about I think it was July 21st, 22nd, I don't know. Uh the sun set at 7:56 and then the sun rose at uh 8:23. I was actually wearing Fruit of the Loom. I bought them at Target. She thought I got at Walmart.
And uh I swear TO GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE SPIDER-MAN'S ON ITS eighth [ __ ] movie, man. I missed THE FIRST ONE.
REMEMBER BATMAN WHEN IT FIRST STARTED? THAT WAS SO GOOD. Adam West and he was good. Christopher Ree, he actually died falling off a horse. I actually bucked it. So, and now my son getting more [ __ ] than me.
>> Pretty much. Amazing. But what's the real story? You've been married the whole time or you out there [ __ ] >> I I God, I might hope she ain't watching.
>> No, I I was married for 27 years. I [ __ ] all of that up. You know what I mean? So, >> yeah, >> it um I got a good one now. And uh it's it's been a real good life, you know?
But I've learned a lot of stuff on the road. I found some stuff you would never ever find.
>> Yeah. Like what? >> A short story. That's That's good.
>> I found my son. Another son. >> You found another son that you made out there. Tell us about that. I don't care how long it takes you. I want to know. I'll give you the rest of the episode. This is like the [ __ ] guy from the big Labowski that's at the bar.
Well, that was the story of Labowski that day. Well, he didn't know anything else about him as that's just who he was. I found my son that day. All right, let's hear it.
>> I was in Brian, TEXAS. >> Guy hands me over a letter. I'm I'm in a clown outfit. Guy hands me over a letter and I look at it and I say, "Hey, man. I don't have my glasses. Read it later.
It's not important." And I took it over to my girlfriend. I stuck it through the fence. I said, "Read this. Give me a thumbs up or thumbs down. I need to know." That's kind of how we do things.
>> Oh, yeah. And I took off and did the calf scramble at the rodeo and I came back and I'm looking through about three fences and she's going, "Holy [ __ ] boy." And I was like, "What?" And she goes, "Oh shit."
What? So I go over to the fence. I said, "What are you [ __ ] talking about?" He said, "His wife bought him Ancestry this year. She had bought me Ancestry last year. I figured I'd be up to my belt buckle in them by now."
>> Uh-huh. And uh I go over there. It took him that long to find me. I guess clown DNA ain't that common, you know?
>> Right. >> Must be the nose. But I look up in the crowd and here's this [ __ ] Looks exactly like me.
>> Oh my god. >> Exactly like me. >> He he looks 65 years old as well. >> Actually, I'm 66 today.
>> Wow. Look at that. Unbelievable. But this guy looks exactly like my dad.
My dad's twin brother. My son, my brother. He looks exactly like the rest of us.
>> Wow. And um uh he's amazing. He's a retired Navy. His wife's a doctor. He lives in Waco. He's from Coleman, Alabama.
>> Wow. >> Just by happen stance, he lives in Waco and found us on the internet. >> Amazing.
>> And we have been blessed ever since. I tell you what, it's a family come together. And and Waco is my hometown. How would you know? >> Amazing. What are the odds?
>> He had a good life. >> That is incredible. And you're you're proud of him. He's not gay or anything.
He does have a Jeep and he got the little ducks on the Well, >> I don't know. Gay.
>> Someone's been shopping at Spencers. >> I told him that's how I know he's gay.
But anyway. >> Oh, I love it, man. >> I have an old man question. I noticed your glasses are like separated. Do they Is it like a Oh my >> Oh, look how cool this [ __ ] cowboy.
Look at this guy. >> I play I play a lot of poker, so I need to see.
>> Wow, look at you. You are a real man. Very rarely do we have real men on this show, especially out of the bucket. This is incredible. Tell us, tell us what do you think is, you know, your whole life.
You know everything. What is the most manly thing about you before I let you go? This has been a long interview for such a terrible set, but you are an intriguing man and I love a good interview and uh this is my only chance I'm going to have you.
>> I don't know. I I think just being a little bit vulnerable.
>> Wow. Powerful answer. >> That'd be the probably the biggest thing I could do over the over over the >> There's there's a bunch of >> a BUNCH OF HEY, COME DO MY [ __ ] job, [ __ ] Yeah.
That is right. And I'll tell you what, I'm going to do one of the rare things where the minute was just okay. But man, the interview's so goddamn good and honest and cool. There's a big joke, my friend. Clinton Harris.
So fun. God damn. We got all shapes and sizes so far out of this bucket. We got a little homo and an old tough guy so far. What can happen next? Make some noise for your Ivan Volov, everybody.
Here comes Ivan Volkov. Oh, we've seen Ivan before. Here comes Ivan again.
>> I watched new Moana movie recently.
It was pretty good. It was a little girl find precious object in water and put back into volcano mountain. It is like a Lord of the Rings for people who want to watch something less gay.
Ever since uh producer and ladies man Harvey Weinstein go to jail.
Hollywood movie not as sexy. You know, Moana was an island full of native peoples and Dwayne D. Rock Johnson had the best teeths.
I don't care that they were fake. I still pay $20 to see them.
But uh YouTube is new Hollywood now. YouTube Hollywood going into the garbage. YouTubers making movie. I can already hear these sexual allegations.
Mr. Beast told us last one to take their hands off his balls, get $1,000.
It was terrible. Thank you. Ivan Bulov, ladies and gentlemen.
>> Ivan, you were famously on the show just a few weeks ago or a month ago or so.
When was that? Right around then. >> It was a while back, I think. Yeah, >> a while back. Month and a half. Well, welcome back. This guy is uh Mexican. You're a Mexican with a Russian name and an extremely Russian accent.
>> But you've never been to Russia? >> No, never. >> Unbelievable. Does anybody here believe him? This is absolutely incredible. But you spoke with your dad so much as a child that you sound like that now. >> Yes. This is what this is what he sound like whenever you speak English.
>> And that's really how you talk all the time.
>> Uh most of the time. >> When do you change your uh voice? >> Whenever I'm Mexican restaurant, I order in food. >> Can you can you can we can you can we hear how you would order at a Mexican restaurant or how you talk to the waiters at a Mexican restaurant?
Absolutely incredible. That is amazing. Michael, what did he say? What did he say? Michael, >> I wanted to order some chili. >> Oh, wow. Some chili kellays, please. >> They're delicious.
>> Absolutely incredible. They are delicious. Uh, now I see you have a grill. Did you have a grill in your mouth last time you were on?
>> Yes, >> you did. And I just didn't notice it. Give me a little smile. Let me see that. Wow. Absolutely incredible. You have a Mexican heritage, a Russian accent, and black teeth. This is amazing.
>> That is amazing. How long have you had a girl before?
>> Uh, I've had it for about maybe six year. Uh, but this is common. My grandmother on my mother's side, she have gold teeth. So, >> Mexican women have gold teeth >> and a little bit of mustache, but that's okay.
>> Yeah, you you have your you have your grandmother's mustache as well.
>> Thank you. >> Incredible. Wow. And what did uh And your grandma's in Mexico? >> No, she she in the ground already.
>> Oh. Oh my goodness. That is not Chile Keyles at all.
Uh >> still in Mexico technically, >> right? Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. Amazing.
Wow. Yes, she is. Amazing. So, uh how about dad? Is dad still alive?
>> Yes, >> he's in Mexico. >> Yes. >> And he's being Russian in Mexico. Am I correct?
>> Yeah, he's he keep to himself, you know. >> What What does he do for a living? What does a Russian guy do in Mexico for a living? Cuz it seems like all the Mexicans would have all the jobs for sure. I mean, they have most of our jobs. So, I can't even imagine how much they're dominating in Mexico.
>> I don't know. He he retired now. Uh, so I think he just, you know, hanging out, taking his time, doing nothing maybe.
Otherwise, >> what what did he used to do? Do you know what he used to do? >> He used to do cocaine, drugs. >> That's That's the vibe I'm getting >> for sure.
>> Was that basically it? Was he involved in maybe some crime, but now it's all good now. >> We call it the waste management.
>> That's right. Okay. Very good. I had a feeling. I'm not going to ask anymore cuz I've seen some docks on these Mexican cartels. I can't imagine what the Russian guy in that [ __ ] is like. I bet he's >> He's literally wearing a sex trafficker costume.
>> That is That at the You could buy that at the Spirit Halloween store under sex traffic costume fits any size.
>> Amazing. Ivan, and remind me, how do you make money nowadays? What do you What kind of hustle are you on? I do electrical but uh >> I recently get promotion.
>> Oh yeah. What? Tell us about this promotion.
>> I do quality control now. >> So what exactly do you do? You just kill people if they do a bad job? >> No, no, no, no, no. What I do is people do like uh they put product out and >> they put what?
>> Product. >> Oh, product. Yeah. >> And then I make sure product okay.
>> Yeah. >> If it's not okay, they no longer get the >> You did that first. If it's not okay, >> Yeah. they lose job. I slit throat. Huh? I slit throat. I chilly killy.
Wow. >> I mean, you know this protection program? >> Are you sure? >> I would not be out here. >> I think they sent you away. We're going to give you some gold front Ivan. >> Yes.
>> We're going to teach you Spanish.
>> Ivan is Russian for one. So >> you a Russian John. That would be very bad. very bad witness protection name they give me. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Gary's uh just white for white. >> Okay.
>> Man, you are amazing. What do you do for fun?
>> I let them go. >> No. Uh 10-second head start. You go ahead. Go ahead.
>> HAVE YOU SEEN APOCALYPTTO?
A LITTLE cat and mouse has never hurt anybody. >> Oh my god, this guy is unbelievable. A little cat and mouse. I [ __ ] >> He watches Breaking Bad like not real.
Not real. Not believable, you know.
>> But seriously, for fun, what do you do? You must have some hobbies. You ever hacky sack or anything like that? There must be something that you're into. Some wacky type of side hobby. You into something?
Uh, >> I like to do it's hard to explain.
>> I like coloring book. You can see this Tony New thing coloring book. >> Yeah, I like to I like to play cards a lot. I like to like play a lot of poker poker tournament. I like to go to pawn shops a lot.
>> Oh, tell us about that. What do you do at the pawn shops cuz you look >> sells his weapon.
>> You do. You look like the final boss of the video game pawn shop. >> You make it to me now. Good luck. H.
>> He looks like he gives you a mission in Grand Theft Auto. >> Yes. Yes.
>> Absolutely. >> He's not denied any of this whole show. >> Yeah.
>> He just shook his head. >> He just laughs along with it. We're all going to die. >> My god. >> Funny story. >> Oh yeah. Here we go. Here we go.
>> Whenever I first signed up, I thought I was signing up for a job. I said everybody want to kill Tony. What is this? You know.
>> Yeah, >> absolutely. >> 100%. >> They do. What kind of car do you drive?
>> I drive 1972 uh Chevrolet Cit. >> Oh, you are a classy [ __ ] >> This is some interesting. We've had a couple real grown men on this show today. Look at you.
>> I can't see him talking to a girl. Would you like to [ __ ] >> No. Okay, I move on.
>> We don't ask We don't ask questions. >> Yeah, he doesn't ask >> this guy. >> I'm sorry. Uh, we we we going to [ __ ] Yes.
>> No. No. No. Yes. It's going to happen. >> Confidence. You got to have confidence. >> Wow. Do you have any kids?
>> No. >> How What is your secret to not having kids at your wise age? >> Uh, sometime I like to paint the canvas. You know what I mean?
>> Oh, absolutely. For sure. Hell yeah.
>> He's talking about flattering the blood of any girl that says she's pregnant. >> Wow. So that's your trick. That's your trick. You pull out and then all of a sudden they're the wet back.
>> Ivan Bulov, I find you so entertaining. You just got a big joke book a month ago, right? Yes, sir. >> Well, perfect. Then what? What's up? You got one more thing >> I want to tell you. I meet Patrick Warberon last time after >> you did you did the impression. You You met him?
>> How? >> Where did you meet him? >> I met him at Comic-Con. >> No way. >> Yeah. Yeah. And he and he >> Did you show him your impression? >> No, he seen it already. >> Oh, wow. >> He gave me nude photograph and uh he tried to kiss me. >> I bet.
>> I'm being for real. He tried to kiss me.
His assistant film everything. I asked him if uh >> Can you do Can you do an impression of what what he said to you? >> He said uh uh we'll make out. >> That's what they tell me.
>> That is the craziest talent.
>> Can you uh say that in Spanish? >> That is good. That is amazing. So, so obviously uh Patrick Warbertton, huge Kill Tony fan, was watching that episode, found you, and then you went to Comic-Con to meet him. What kind of Comic-Con was this?
>> It was the one in Belton. Uh just the >> It was the one where?
>> Belton, Texas. >> Oh, okay. But what? It was just like a regular Comic-Con. >> Yeah, I meet him. Uh Pink Ranger. I meet her.
>> Who? >> Amy Joe Johnson. The Pink Ranger. >> Oh, the Pink Ranger. It's so funny. A thick Russian accent. I meet a pink ranger.
>> She give me picture. I give her picture of mine, too.
>> Wow. My god. The fall off from Patrick Warbertton to the pink rangers. Unbelievable. >> Beautiful lady. >> She is very good. >> Oh my god. How hard did you rape her? Huh? No, I'm just kidding. Just kidding.
>> I would never. >> Many respect for pink ranger. >> Wow. Where did you I can't see. There's no rate. No, you you say yes. You say yes. You want to No. No. You say yes. You just said yes.
>> It It is so funny because we're trained We're trained as Americans since we're little kids that you hear a Russian accent, it means I'm going to kill you. I will destroy you. I will eat your whole family. And then all of a sudden it's [ __ ] No, we respect Pink Ranger.
the the it's just the gap between what we're heard told to expect from that accent and the respect for the pink ranger.
>> That's your favorite one. There's no That's your main ranger. Pink Pink Ranger all the way. Old Ranger.
>> Pink Ranger. >> Is that the original Pink Ranger? She went by what? Kimberly. Who's I remember that. See, I remember that. I had a nephew. That's my I was never into the I was a Ghostbusters kid, but uh I had a nephew that was obsessed with the Pink Rangers, and I happen to be an unbelievable uncle, so I remember that because I would converse with my nephew.
Yeah, I'm an unbelievable uncle. It is true. Uh wow, fantastic. You are so goddamn interesting every [ __ ] time you're on this show. I love your style.
You already have a big joke book. Keep signing up. I want to talk with you more. Some long interviews tonight, I got to be honest with you. The people are so damn interesting. It's so good.
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On to the next bucket pool. We're moving along smoothly here. Make some noise for Alan Fox, everybody. Here comes Alan Fox, everyone. >> Holy [ __ ] What's up, guys? Um, did not expect to get pulled up. Uh, Alan Fox is a stage name. My actual last name is Kim. And uh I was really fighting like whether or not I want a stage name or what I want to go with Alan Kim cuz anytime you tell someone that you want to do comedy as an Asian guy in Austin, people like, "Oh, like like [ __ ] Hans Kim." Like it's like, "Oh, [ __ ] Can't I have a different [ __ ] hero?" So like every time like people are like, "Hey, like you want you like comedy?" Like like like Hans Kim, are you guys cousins? And it's just like, "No, bitch." Like I don't know [ __ ] Hans
Kim, you know? Um I don't it's just like it's just I don't know. Like there aren't too many heroes as far as like Asian comics go. There's like [ __ ] Bobby Lee and there's Hans Kim. And I [ __ ] like them both. Like they're [ __ ] dope. But it's just like god damn it. Like can't I have like a different hero than just those two, you know? Um like there's no I'm not [ __ ] on them. Like they're [ __ ] like they seem cool, but like I don't know. I met Hans Kim once. He's he's like two inches taller than me and I was like [ __ ] you, man. Um, yeah, that's it. Thank you very much, guys.
>> Allan Fox only talking about Hans Kim for his minute, trying to separate himself from being confused for and everything with Hans Kim, former regular of the show, Hall of Famer, legend of Kill Tony folklore. And to distance yourself from this misunderstanding of being often confused for Hans Kim or asked about Hans Kim, you've chosen tonight to solely talk about Hans Kim.
>> Yeah. I mean, like, you know, I have a very complicated relationship with him.
I mean, he was just responding to my [ __ ] letters, man. Then like I feel like >> Gary, you're right. This is the gayest show on planet Earth. I got to tell you, this is absolutely >> What's [ __ ] wrong with that, man? You know what's wrong with that? The Spartans were gay and they were [ __ ] badass.
>> Okay. What's wrong with being a little gay? >> Nothing. I agree. All right. You're cool. You're cool. >> Cool. >> Bobby She relax. Bobby She >> All right. Allan, how long have you been doing standup?
>> No way. >> Absolutely. >> No [ __ ] way. >> Absolutely. >> How old are you, Alan? >> I'm 35. >> 35. What made you start standup at age 34ish? Um cuz my friend was like, "Listen, are you going to spend the rest of your life being a drunker and like hang out at the strip club all the time or do you want to like amount like do you want to like be >> or do you want to do comedy and do both?"
>> Yes, pretty much. Pretty much, man.
>> Pretty much. >> Pretty much. So, how's the drinking going? Good. >> Um it's, you know, could be doing better. I would I would guess by that set that you are just rock steady with it.
>> You know what? I I I legit like had no I I didn't think I would be called up.
Very serendipitous. Uh so like yeah, >> it happens. It's a it's a random bucket. I mean that's the only way to get called up to the show.
>> Well, I feel like as long as like I'm like cool and chill, like I'll have like an okay time and like hopefully like I don't like >> Let me ask you this.
>> Yes, let's go. >> Cuz I'm starting to catch on to something here. Did you maybe did you maybe have a few cold ones at the bar while waiting to get up here tonight?
>> Like a like a high noon or like a white claw? >> Uhhuh. Uhhuh. >> A high noon or a white claw or a high noon and a white claw.
>> Uh maybe maybe one of each, you know. >> Yeah. What else? What else? Cuz you seem like you maybe had a little something at lunchtime, huh?
>> I mean that was like a good time. Little saki saki before you sucky sucky. >> What's wrong with that, man?
>> I love it. Every time you call him gay, he's like, "What's wrong with that? WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT? What's wrong with that?" You know, we all got >> What if we're not your dad? You don't have to like defend it. We're just making jokes. Are Are you from SoCal?
Like Ventura or something? >> I am not, man. I wish I was.
>> Um, like West Coast Asians are so [ __ ] cool. >> Where are you from? >> I'm from Chicago and we're not [ __ ] cool. >> Right. Like like I put on like this is like my second favorite t-shirt and like I put this on in case I get on Kill Tony. Like if I was like from the West Coast, I have like a chain and like [ __ ] like Jordans and [ __ ] and like my hair would be spiked. But I'm just like I just showed up.
>> He looks nothing like his voice. >> Yeah, I know. >> No, no, it's just it's from work. It's from work. >> What do you do for work? I'm >> a [ __ ] car salesman, man. >> Oh my god. >> Yeah. [ __ ] has not been going well. Wow.
It's like It's like saying like you're going to start tripping like something something happened and uh on a different trajectory.
>> How long have you been selling cars for? >> Uh like three years, man. Three long years.
>> Wow. And are they Toyotas or Hondas or? >> They are Toyotas. >> Wow. Absolutely incredible. How could I have known? This is this is the second time we've spoken about cars actually.
>> Really? >> This one time I I went and saw you and I was in the audience and you were trying to be, you know, work some do some crowd work and you pointed all the Asian people like I bet you drive a Civic, [ __ ] And then you like call out like, "What do you drive, sir?" And he was like, "A Civic." And you're like, "Yeah, bitch." And the crowd goes wild. You forgot to mention that part. Yeah.
Because it's a thing that I've noticed.
It's a my own personal racist studies. I've learned that Asian people are loyal to Asian car brands and it works 100% of the time except when I shot my special. That sucks.
>> Well, then you point it to me and you first Asian lady ever to drive a [ __ ] Tesla during my [ __ ] special because her husband bought it for her cuz it's self-driving cuz he has an Asian wife anyway.
>> No, no, no, no, dude. Like, [ __ ] Like, I'm sorry. My mother's like an Asian lady, but like get the Asian ladies off the road. Like, I'm sorry.
>> Oh, I love it. You're with them. business. Like, I've seen my mother like drive a car. Like, we don't need more of that. Like, let's just like, >> wow, Asian ladies on the road.
>> You said it, brother. >> Yeah. >> Hey, you've only been doing it a year.
Keep talking about your mom driving. No more Hans Kim. >> Hans Kim. >> Yeah. No, no, no. I'm not I'm not [ __ ] on him. I'm not [ __ ] on him. He's >> No, we know you're not [ __ ] on him, but bringing him up, it's like just messing up your whole thing. You didn't do any jokes. You just kind of >> I didn't do any jokes. You know, I had some jokes about like being 35 and my life not paying out, but then I just thought of Hans. He's like 2 in taller than me and [ __ ] that guy.
>> We know that. We know that.
>> I guarantee Ivan's backstage. I can take care of him for you. >> I can take care of Hunts Kim. >> No, he seems like a nice guy. I wouldn't want something bad happen to him. >> He thinks I'm serious. >> Yeah. Like I don't know. That seems kind of mean.
>> I saved Hans Kim's life.
>> Yeah. >> Yeah. I'm a I'm a [ __ ] hero, man. >> You keep mentioning that Hans Kim is two inches taller than you instead of saying two penis lengths taller than you. >> Asian penis length.
>> I take the help either either area, man.
His credit score is higher than mine, too. >> Yeah, it definitely is. >> It totally >> How many How many If you had to guess how many Toyotas you've sold in the three years of being a Toyota salesman, can you give us a ballpark?
>> I don't know. Cuz sometimes I'm like really good, but sometimes I just [ __ ] off.
>> Give me a Give me give me a ballpark here. >> Oh, I don't know. Let's say let's say 10 a month. >> Well, that's more than anybody would have.
>> Like like you you got like 10 10 to 12 is like is like you got to be [ __ ] to not sell 10 to 12, >> right?
>> I'm not using that word, you know, offensively. It's just like >> guys. Yeah, relax. He He can He can say it. Look at his face. He has Down syndrome.
>> I have Down syndrome. Like if you can like put on your pants, you should be able to sell 10 to 12, >> right? He's an he's an Asian with Down syndrome, or as we call them, our validictorians.
>> Yeah. But >> Oh, I was proud of that one. You guys, >> that's a good one.
>> You guys are smart until you become drunker car salesman. >> It was implied that I'm a drunker. >> What's your dad? Is your dad Asian, too? >> My dad is Asian, man.
>> Mom and dad both Asian. As a sometimes I forget but like I like bump into them and they're like and he's like we are very disappointed in you.
>> They [ __ ] are man >> you are not a funny Sarah Toyota.
>> I am not a good Asian man. >> You are not funny. I like don't dress well. >> Does your dad try to get you to go back to school?
>> Uh no man not really. >> No man does your dad does your dad know what you're into?
Yeah, man. Like I think so. Like I've I've I've like the key the key to my like relationship with my parents I' I've already done the most [ __ ] up [ __ ] So like everything I do now is like totally acceptable and like well is he at least he's not doing dot dot dot dot dot.
>> Like what what did you used to do that was more disappointing than being a gay care salesman?
>> Um a closet [ __ ] closeted man. There's a difference. Um, [ __ ] uh, >> you're you're not in the closet anymore. >> I could be.
>> Nope. >> No, you're not. That That [ __ ] has sailed, my friend.
>> Kick me. Kick me out again. >> That That Toyota has sailed, my friend. >> Toyota has sailed. Um, no. I used to I used I used to do hair on.
>> Oh, wow. >> Like needle in the arm. Seven like for seven years.
>> Wow. How did you kick that habit? Karate kick. Tony, you know, you're being a little racist, but it's kind of cute.
>> Oh, it's so fun. It's so fun. >> If being if being if that's if that's racist, then I don't want to be right.
>> No, no, I I karate kicked it uh through the miracle of of God. I don't know what, but like I put the needle down one day.
So, like everything I do now is just like my mom's like, "You shouldn't vape so much." I'm like, "At least I'm not doing heroin." Dude, Hans Kim would have laughed at that karate kick joke.
>> Yeah, for sure. >> He would have >> I bet he would have >> he would have loved it. And he would have been much taller and thinner.
>> I am like a I have put on some weight recently and like I'm not proud of it. >> Like I fluffed out too. It is like like >> you look like a pans Kim at a baby with a French bulldog.
>> Um >> I'll take that man.
>> Like a Frenchie. Dude, I think I think your I think your issue is you you are wrong about what's interesting about you. >> What is interesting about >> Well, I don't know yet. >> I don't know what's interesting about me. Shoot. I'm just I'm just >> Well, if you keep doing it, you'll figure it out. Alan Fox, in the meanwhile, here's a mediumsized joke book. Let's see if old junky pants can catch this. I got go to pri go to prize picks right now/ Tony and and place your bet cuz it PROBABLY AIN'T HAPPENING.
WHOA, LOOK AT THAT. Look at that with the tongue out drunk as [ __ ] There he goes. Allan Fox aka Allan Kim.
All right, let's get a regular up here.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have a one of our great regulars that writes and performs a brand new minute every week. Make some noise for the dark storm of Austin, Texas. It's Dedric Flynn, ladies and gentlemen. Here he is.
Dark Storm. Uh guys, can I open up to you? Uh I'm I got a big fear of portaotties.
Uh and I don't think I'm being irrational about that. I think that's the scariest place to take a [ __ ] in your life. Like I would much rather get caught like being seven years old in elementary school taking a [ __ ] cuz my shoes were down and then everybody just call you shitty beauty boy until you in middle school, right? Cuz like a porta potty is like terrifying. Like if you ever go to like a festival and and you all they have is portaotties. That's the only time you start acting like women when you just you look at your homeboy like I got to pee. Can you please come with me? Like, you know, like all of y'all, can y'all can can all 17 of y'all come with me to beat cuz I don't I don't trust these [ __ ] What if they decide
to flip it over? You know what I'm saying? What if they decide to flip?
What if they start a riot and they flip over the portaotty? Uh, can y'all watch out for me? Like, is like what you know about being drunk and then walking home and on the way when you walking home, you got to pee, but you see a porta potty, but you you can't trust it, right? Cuz it cuz there ain't no ring cameras on the porter potties. Like you know what I'm saying? So they can do whatever they want to. So you go you go pee in a bush cuz bushes are safe, right? Bushes are safe. Porter potties aren't cuz you we scared of the same two things that can happen. Like you open up the the porta potty and it's just like a undercover cop and that nigga's like, "Aha, I got you. You got to pee." Or worse, it's like a homeless wizard and
and that [ __ ] convince you that the portaotti is a time machine, but but you got to touch the blue, right? You know what I'm talking about? Yall know what I'm talking about? That time travel blue portaotty juice. You got to put your hand in there and it's going to crawl over your body like when when Neo touched the mirror in the Matrix.
Porta potty. Two minutes of nothing but truths about the portaotti. >> That is one of every man's greatest fear is having to use a porta potty. >> And Tony, I I lived in my car for 3 years. I'm used to [ __ ] outside, right?
>> You know what I'm saying? But that [ __ ] is is that [ __ ] is terrifying, man. And I'm I'm sick of holding this fear in.
And I'm glad there are people who can openly admit we can all be tough about that. Do you Are you scared of porties, Brian Sim? I don't [ __ ] with we used to we used to when I was deployed we would we would like dip the whole roll of toilet paper to make a little pile so the blue water didn't splash up on you.
>> Yeah. You got to pile it up so you don't cuz that blue splash it stick to your butthole and it and it make you feel you feel different all day. You can't just you know what I'm talking about. >> You got to go home. >> You don't feel you feel unclean. You can't wash it off.
>> You got to go home. You got to go to bed. You got to take a shower. Go to bed. You got to sleep in the bathtub.
>> D's going to use one right now. He's going to use the porta. >> He doesn't know what they look like. >> BLUE WATER. >> I GOT TO SEE this [ __ ] >> Have you ever [ __ ] in a porta potty?
I've never [ __ ] in one of them. >> Well, I mean, >> it looks like you've [ __ ] in every one that I've ever gone into. I got to tell you, Red Band, those things are an absolute disaster.
>> You do wonder when you see them, you're like, who [ __ ] in this? >> Yeah, >> you really think that.
>> That's the only reason to go in there >> to [ __ ] >> Yeah, they specifically for [ __ ] I mean, if you piss, you go like you said, you go you don't piss in a porta party. >> I piss in them.
>> Yeah. >> I'll tell you this. I've peed I've gone to Bonnaroo and like music festivals and stuff when I was younger. I've peed in portaotties. I've pooped in portaotties.
But what I have never done in a portaotty is inhaled.
>> A little fun fact, I'm like I'm like [ __ ] David Blaine on that [ __ ] I will I will take I'll go in and I come out. I'm as blue as the water on the inside. I'm on my [ __ ] death bed.
>> You can't pee in there. I'm scared like some of this [ __ ] gonna come up through the stream like it's gonna swim up from the pee. Oh yeah.
>> Like the blue's going to climb the piston and get the balls. >> Yep. And then you become a smurf. >> Yeah. Again, >> no doubt about it. It is incred Oh, I literally I'm like, "Oh yeah, exactly.
I've I never believed in the COVID mask, but I will not inhale whatever the [ __ ] in there.
Uh man, yeah, you really covered it. Where was the portaotti that inspired this material? Was there a specific one out there?
>> Was this this is what happened? Um >> Oh, yeah. >> This is me cuz can I open up to you, Tony?
>> Absolutely. >> Um so >> give me some give me a little portaotty background music here. Little something for the portaotti. >> Some portaotti music. We pushing P right now.
>> Little porta. No red man. Come on. So, uh, we had we had threw a a crab boil at Carlos Sosa house. It was me, him, and Matt Mueller. And I had boiled a bunch of crabs and shrimps and stuff like that. And then, uh, I had left their house. And then I went and I was I was getting drunk, you know what I'm saying? Not like that last dude. That [ __ ] like me at 1:30 at Mity's, you know what I'm saying? And it's it's only 8:00 now. And so I was walking I took a Lime scooter, but it ran out of power.
And then when I was walking to my neighborhood, I had to take a [ __ ] And I saw one and then the black inside of me said, "Uh-uh.
>> That's deep." Wow. That's deep. Wow.
That was beautiful. You guys did. I mean, imagine you going to DO A SAXOPHONE SOLO from the crab oil. >> You didn't do nothing. That wasn't inspirational. YOU INSPIRED THAT, MAN. THAT'S [ __ ] YOU KNOW, THIS [ __ ] GOT like a castle that he live in. Like that [ __ ] is like a Mexican castle. That [ __ ] was so fun.
>> Did you Where did you [ __ ] though? Did you end up [ __ ] outside?
>> Uh um no. Uh but I did I did remember that I can't run fast and so I did that. >> You started running? >> Oh, absolutely. Wait, you can run so fast if you got a [ __ ] Like you can you can run as fast as a car if you got a [ __ ] You can you can you can hop a fence. Like all of it. It was I was I was actually really proud of myself.
>> I was so Oh man. Guys, that's what I'm saying. Follow your dreams. You know what I'm saying? You can really You COULD HOLD LIKE SOME OF IT GOT OUT AND I THREW THAT STUFF AWAY. But I >> What time What time of the night was this?
>> Like uh when the moon was up.
>> Wow. Amazing. >> Crescent moon. >> He goes off of werewolf time, ladies and gentlemen. >> I love it. So people just saw you. There could have been.
>> I'd love to know exactly where your lime scooter died. How far of a distance was that? >> It was It was Well, so I didn't had to poop until I got off the line scooter midw walk. You know what I'm saying? Cuz sometime like cardio and caffeine will inspire you to have to poop. All right, let me I'll do a song about it, Tony.
>> Oh [ __ ] man. Come on, guys. Let's take these guys on a walk down Riverside Drive.
We have no D madness. So you're on base too, D's, but you know that >> I was walking home from doing a grad going to Shakespeare. My belly's feeling weird. It's starting to bubble up. Oh [ __ ] the bubble gum. My scooter just died. My stomach's hella bright. I have to prove emergency number two.
If it happened to me, can happen to you.
You can run as fast as you sang. Bed that ass is opening. That was good. I appreciate that one.
That was good. I did a good job. We all did a good job. You guys did a good job. What I want to know is how how many people saw you running and called the cops.
>> They they showed up, but I was like, I'm Joe Rogan friend. >> Perfect. >> And they That's right. >> They're fine. >> Get up off the [ __ ] ground right now and go [ __ ] sir. >> They were LIKE I WAS LIKE THEY TURNED AROUND. I WAS LIKE, OH, DARK STORM. AND THEN HE JUST PUT THE gun back in. That's how it works every single time.
>> It's a perfect living. Ladies and gentlemen, Dric Flynn, everybody.
There he goes. >> The one and the only. And back to the bucket we go, everybody. We're having fun tonight. We're flying through it. Hello there. You know, every week I watch people come up here and absolutely destroy their self-esteem.
Unfortunately, Morgan and Morgan cannot help with that. But if you're actually injured because of someone else's negligence, now that's a different story. Isn't that the truth, Heidi? My goodness. Morgan and Morgan have been fighting for the people for more than 35 years. They've got more than 1,000 lawyers, 100 offices nationwide, and they've recovered over $35 billion for their clients. Redban, >> so if your car gets totaled, you get hurt at work, or somebody else's bad decision becomes your very expensive problem, you can check out Morgan and Morgan.
>> No doubt about it. And let me tell you right now, you can go to forthepeople.com/tonony to start your claim. Their fee is free unless they win. And again, hurt feelings do not count. Let me remind you, they've won a lot of people, a lot of money. And it's not easy to make a lot of money these days. So go out there and just basically use them to make yourself some money. Find anything you can do. Make some money by using Morgan and Morgan. If you have to, you know, create your own situation, then do it and use them. Make some money. Go to Morgan and Morgan. Go to forthepeople.com/tonony so that they know that we sent you. And uh, you know, get yourself a little something extra.
>> Not one gay joke. >> That is incredible. It seems as though the show is straightening up, ladies and gentlemen. Perhaps we can keep it going with the comedy stylings of bucket pool. Mark Donovan, everybody. Here comes Mark Donovan.
>> What's up, guys? I uh I just got back from taking a [ __ ] in a porta potty. I don't know. It felt great. I uh not in the best shape. I've been trying to lose weight recently. I uh been doing okay. I lost about 15 pounds last week. Yeah.
>> Thank you. I can't find that dog anywhere.
Yeah. Uh, and it was my brother's dog, which is, uh, I mean, he's pissed now. Now I don't get to watch his other dog while he's out of town. So, uh, you know, I lost his dog and I lost his trust, but I got my weekends back. So, it's not all bad. I uh I work at Lowe's.
Uh, didn't know that was a joke. But, uh, I, uh, basically spend most of my day my day moving gigantic 50 lb bags of grout, which is just this fine white powder that ends up all over my upper body. So, I get home basically looking like I've just been titty [ __ ] by a very dehydrated ghost.
Yeah. And, uh, you know, that's all I got. Thanks, >> Mark Donovan. Ladies and gentlemen, Mark, welcome. How old are you?
>> 43. >> 43. How long you been doing standup? >> Uh, I've got about 50 sets under my belt.
>> 50 sets? >> Yeah. It's taken about a decade to get that many cuz Yeah. >> Cuz you're so busy with the flooring. >> Yeah. No, I uh I my first set I wasn't really trying to do stand up. I had a friend doing it and wanted someone to do it with him.
>> And uh you know, that went great. >> Uhhuh. uh so well that I didn't do it again for like five or six years. >> And what made you want to restart it? What made you want to do it yourself? >> Is your friend still doing it? >> No, not right now.
>> No. >> Right. Okay. >> Yeah. No. Uh the reason I started again honestly was I don't know. I enjoyed it even though I sucked at it. >> Yeah. >> And I just sucked at everything else. So, I was like, why not? >> Absolutely agree.
>> I'm 43 at an entry- level job at Lowe's.
Let's try something else. Why do you have that job? >> Um, it was basically it was a job I got six months ago. >> Uhhuh. >> And uh >> What were you doing before that? >> I had a window washing business.
>> What happened to your window washing business?
>> I didn't like to sell and it's hard to run your own business when you give yourself the day off every day, >> right? >> So, >> that'll do it. >> Yeah. >> Have you ever thought about selling Toyotas? I hear anybody can do it.
Hadn't considered it, but maybe it's an option.
>> What do you do for fun? You're 43. You have kids. You have a wife. You have anything? >> No kids, no wife, no family. >> No pets. >> No pets. >> Any plants? You have a cactus or something for Christ's sake?
>> No, nothing. I am unencumbered.
>> Wow. You have a [ __ ] anything? You have a magazine or something? >> What do you What do you got in this [ __ ] place? >> How many roommates do you have? >> I don't know the exact answer. I just moved into the place a week ago.
>> You don't know a ballpark of how many roommates you have?
>> I'm guessing four. I've seen >> I mean D Madness knows how many [ __ ] roommates he has. How How do you not know? >> I've seen three. I've heard a fourth. >> That's all I know for sure. I've never seen the fourth guy. And there's like two other rooms in the house that are empty. So, >> man, >> incredible.
>> Okay, so let's talk about it. How did your life end up like this? How did you end up being 43 and having the life of a 22-year-old Mexican boy? You're selling flooring at Lowe's with a bunch of roommates and dabbling in some hobbies like standup comedy. How did How did this happen? Tell tell us cuz we had an Asian that survived a seven-year heroin habit that is doing better than you somehow. And he's gay as [ __ ] by the way.
I didn't have to throw that in. That was just That was just for my own entertainment.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT? WHAT'S WRONG with He's watching right now. WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME AGAIN, MAN? What the [ __ ] wrong with that? >> Uh, honestly, there's no real answer. I >> You didn't even do heroin for a few years or anything.
>> I have the life of someone who's done a lot of heroin.
>> Tell us about it. What is a day in the life? You know, if we put your whole life together and mashed it into one like median or mode or whatever the [ __ ] right term is, day of your life, what would it be? You wake up at around noon, you make yourself a bowl of what?
Cereal or something like that.
>> For a while it was cereal, then fried rice. >> Wait, would you say full island of cereal? >> For a while. >> Oh, for a while of cereal. What's your cereal of choice? You seem like a Cookie Crisp guy. You seem like a guy that's just like, "Fuck it. I'm going to put milk on this dessert.
>> Well, if you're eating cookie crisp, you might as well just have ice cream. But I usually go cinnamon toast crunch.
>> Let me go to my serial uh ice cream correspondent Brian Simpson here. >> What? How are you so happy? I feel cuz I feel like you're not sad enough for us.
>> Yeah. >> Cuz you you got so much joy for somebody that got nothing going on at all. >> Yeah. No, I >> like Tony, I don't got no money, no [ __ ] I don't got no hobbies, no friends, but I'm doing great. >> You're not the first person to remark about that to me. And >> it is incredible.
>> It doesn't bother me. I uh >> of course it wouldn't.
>> That's exactly his point. >> Look at you. You're happy as [ __ ] >> Yeah. I don't know. I I'm pretty content being by myself. I don't need other people. I sit around. I watch TV, play video games.
>> Yeah. I mean, you say >> no big deal.
>> Weep is good. Okay. There's a little comedian in there somewhere. Um Mark, what else? I mean, there's got to be something we're missing. What kind of hobbies do you have or something? >> I used to play a lot of basketball. I basically would enroll in school just to be able to play five or six hours of pickup ball a day.
>> Uh sometimes 10 on the weekends, like on >> How long ago was this? Uh about two three well I guess it was about two and a half years ago when I moved from Utah up to Dallas. I had been playing about 5 days a week there. >> What made you move to Dallas of all places?
>> My family's in Dallas.
>> Ah >> so I was in Utah thinking about going back to school and then didn't >> uh and then was like what the [ __ ] am I doing here? >> What kind of family do you have in Dallas? Your parents. >> Parents. >> What do your parents mean? >> They're all there.
>> What do your parents think about you? 43 Cookie Crisp.
They are too okay with it, >> right? They're just like you. They don't give a [ __ ] I guess they're just happy as [ __ ] That's where you get it from. >> Yeah, probably. I I sometimes I wish they would be like, "Fucking go anywhere else." You're like, "No, no, come back.
Why are you leaving?" Like, "I'm an old man. I need to be away."
>> Absolutely incredible. >> Wow. >> This is amazing. >> This is amazing. I'm prescribing you Asian parents. Your is unacceptable.
>> You have to get it together.
>> I think it could work. I need exterior motivation. >> Oh my goodness. We've never had anything quite like this. We've never had this level of content. Content.
>> I can just see him selling [ __ ] at Lowe's. You'll like it.
>> Yeah. >> Hey, it's good. It's a floor. It's a floor. >> Yeah, it's a good floor. >> You're looking for a floor? That's a floor. It's a floor. >> You want wood, marble? >> Good.
>> Let's go from one to four. I give it a floor.
>> It's not far off. >> Oh my. >> Most of the time people come in looking to buy a floor. He just go, "Yeah, it's right there." >> Let me ask you this. Since the thing that we've noticed, and I got to give Simpson all the credit, one of the highlights of this show for me so far is him highlighting your unbelievable uh contentness with your life. Let me ask you this. What is a time in your life in which you have gotten passionately mad about something that really stood out to you? What does it take to wake the beast inside of there?
>> I mean, it doesn't take much. I have a lot of anger. That's about the only emotion I ever have.
>> Oh, okay. Here we go. All right. So, >> you can see him say it, but I'm mad. I am really mad.
Where's the Cinnamon Toast Crunch? >> That does help.
>> Wow. Amazing. What's the most mad you've been lately? What's something that you're passionate about when someone >> Uh about I guess about four or five weeks ago, I was still up in Dallas.
>> I applied for the position in central Austin.
>> Mhm. And uh they didn't give me an interview because I lived too far away and they gave the job to someone else. >> I feel like you're the type of dude that gets pissed off anytime there's like WNBA news.
>> Yeah. Yeah. You have a throw a dildo at the court energies. That's what you have. You're that guy, aren't you?
>> Oh, I'm not wasting those. >> You're the bandit. Oh, see that's funny. There it is.
>> We're back. >> There's a little something in there. There's a little something in there. >> I love it. All right, Mark Donovan. Well, here is a uh here's a here's a He's going to be happy wherever you get.
>> You thought about that way too long.
>> A small joke book for Mark Donovan. We're going to keep it moving. The interviews tonight are fun. All right. Oh, a lady. Fun. Make some noise for your next bucket pull. Ladies and gentlemen, it's Beth Anne, everybody.
>> I had a friend tell me recently that when he first started having sex, he had to be high. When I first started having sex, I had to be unconscious.
Yeah. It's okay. It's okay.
To heal from my sexual trauma, I became a stripper. Hear me out. I'd find a guy and convince him that for $500 I could fulfill all of his wishes. I'd get him to that back room, no refunds, sit on his lap, look him dead in the eyes, and whisper, "So, what's your first memory of shame?"
Maybe I'd add a daddy in there to keep the heat alive.
I don't think this kind of manipulation is cruel, by the way. I know what men really want. I know what they're looking for. And in a place like that, they're asking for it.
>> Thank you. >> Beth Anne, everybody making her Kilton Tony debut. Welcome, Beth.
>> Do I keep the microphone? >> Yeah. How long have you been doing standup, Beth? >> Since November of last year.
>> What made you want to start then? >> Um, I was asked to do standup for a album release party. Okay.
>> They also asked you to stop. >> She came. She was hired as a stripper.
They're like, "Uh, can you tell jokes instead? Who asked you to do standup? I don't get it. I don't get it. Who asked someone to do standup for an album release party?
>> Okay. How did that go? >> It went really well. >> Half of the room was my friends and the other half was Christians. >> Christians? >> Yeah. >> It's It was a Christian rock release party.
>> Yeah. I talked a lot about drug addiction and >> the rest of the room couldn't make eye contact with me anymore afterwards.
>> Why Why couldn't they make eye contact with you? >> Because I was talking about being [ __ ] on Xanax. Oh, okay. All right. >> Went well.
>> Okay. Um All right. So, let's talk about it. Beth, are you still a stripper?
>> Retired. >> How long ago did you retire? >> Five years ago. >> Five years ago. How And when you retire, what do they do? Do they put your underwear in the rafters or something?
>> Do they make you go halfway up the pole? told you have to stay at half mass for a while. You're looking at me so seriously. What made you retire? What made you retire from stripping? What does how does one exactly retire?
>> The club on mushrooms and I realized what was really going on.
>> What did you What when you say what's really going on, what did you what did you what was the understanding? What hit you that night that didn't hit you before? Well, I had a guy offer me $20 for sex.
>> Welcome to my >> Red Band.
Red Band, come on, Red Band. Grow up, Red Band, hit it again. Hit it again, Red Band, come on.
Okay, so Wow. And that guy was like, "You can come back. I got Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
I love it. 20 bucks. I want sex. I swear I'm from Mexico. I'm a Mexican man. Do you like chili killles? >> What's the normal price? Like 40 or Oh my god. Red band. You can't do that.
You're objectifying a woman. She's out of the industry. What is the normal price just of it?
>> No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. >> $1,000. >> 1,000. Okay. All right. I would use three condoms at once, but that's an interesting interesting number. I love it. I love it. Okay. So, uh, a guy offered you $20 for sex. You're on mushrooms. What goes through your head exactly?
>> It's not going to be funny.
>> Perfect. Nothing else you said up here was either. So, we we're just going to keep it right where it's at right here live. This is Kill Tony. If you don't want to talk about it, we don't have to. But it is.
>> No, I just I realized that um given the my history of sexual trauma that I was just putting myself in environments where I would continue to receive evidence doubt that that was my >> No doubt a strip club would do that without a doubt.
Okay. So, what did you do 5 years ago after retiring from the strip club? What does one who has mastered the art of stripping do after that?
I'm a life coach now. >> Oh, perfect.
I mean, fully qualified for that. >> In call, alcohol. Red band. Red band. Redban, stop it. That is unprofessional. Redban, do you do alcohol sometimes? All right.
Um, okay. So, explain to us exactly how you started life coaching. Everyone wants to know what, you know, who these life coaches are, where do they come from, what's their background, what's their training, how do they have sp what I can't even I can't even I can't even >> Yeah. Well, it's a a drug addict to stripper to life coach pipeline.
>> I started to realize that I couldn't really get guys who wanted to like do the strip club thing with me, but they did want to talk to me about their entire life story and all of their trauma, >> right?
So instead of being at a strip club dancing, having guys offer you $20 for sex, now they uh come to you or you come to them.
>> I work with women now. >> Oh, perfect. Perfect. And so what does the woman's life have to be like for them to go, I need help. I'm going to go I'm going to go with Beth Anne to help me get my [ __ ] together.
>> Yeah, maybe they don't like themselves very much, >> right? I like that. That's funny.
>> That problem, >> of course. So, can you give us an example of a time that someone needed coached and you coached them and they succeeded? Can you give us like a piece of advice or whatever that you gave them? I was working with a teenage girl who had experienced sexual trauma and she was navigating some pretty aggressive negative self-belief.
>> Yeah. So, I supported her >> in reclaiming that story. >> Nice. >> And finding a way to paint herself as the the victor in this >> Well, that's good. That's great, actually. Where's your Where's your wacky sound effect for that? Huh? What do you got there? Huh? What do you got?
You just hit something. Hit anything.
You're taking too long. All right, Red Ban. Come on. You're a He's a wild boy on these sound effects. Beth Anne. >> Beth Anne, what else about you before I get you out of here? Give us one more fun fact about the life of Beth Anne.
>> Without mentioning sexual trouble. >> You guys aren't interested in that. >> No, we are. >> We are. We were just trying to pretend like we're better than that, but we're really not. So, what happened to you?
Come on, tell us all about Tell us about We're a bunch of terrible men. We need a life coach.
>> So, you you want something interesting?
>> Yeah, anything. >> Yeah. The stripper past wasn't enough. So, yeah. I mean, I have all sorts of hobbies. I just >> You have any special skills or talents? Anything like uh you have like a like you have any hacky sack or anything?
>> Red band. Red band. You didn't have to say the balls part. Maybe she plays ping pong. >> Yeah, >> he was on stage earlier, I think. Okay. >> I have a lot of hobbies. I like to disc golf.
>> Oh, disc golf. That's a good one. Hell yeah. That's amazing. I love it. I love it.
>> All right, Bethanne. Well, um I love it that you signed up tonight. We have all different shapes and sizes of people up here.
>> What the [ __ ] was that? What was that? Dez, was that you?
>> Hey, Beth Anne, I'm going to toss this little joke book at you. >> There you go. >> FELL INSIDE. BETH ANNE, ladies and gentlemen, thank you Beth Anne. Sign up again sometime.
We'll see what happens here. All right, ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket pull goes by the name of Shane Camp.
Here comes Shane Camp, everybody. >> Hey, before I begin, is there a Glenn here? A Glenn? He's 5 foot8, brown hair, brown eyes, 180 lbs. No, I had to try. My name's Shane. I'm trying to quit smoking.
They say one way of giving up a bad habit, you got to take up a new hobby.
I took up searching for missing persons. >> So if you guys see Glenn, you let him know I'm looking for him.
>> I know it's not a great description, brown hair, brown eyes, but uh >> this is Glenn.
He was last seen in 2009.
>> Do I ever think I'm going to find him? Probably not. But if I'm not out there looking for him, who is absolutely hilarious, >> I'll be selling Glenn T-shirts after the show.
>> Shane, welcome. Hilarious. Have you been on this show before?
>> No. >> Welcome. Welcome. You're a funny man. How long you been doing standup comedy? >> I've been doing standup comedy regularly for 4 years.
>> Four years. Where at? >> Uh Pensacola, Florida. >> Wow. And what has you stuck in?
Pensacola, Florida. Exactly. >> At uh age 18. I moved from Pensacola to be famous in television and movies in New York City. I don't know if you've seen them. I'm not a single one.
But Tony, uh, every time I, uh, go broke, I go home.
>> How long were you in New York for?
>> Well, I was in New York from uh, 18 to 2003 to 2007. I drove a yellow cab. >> Uhhuh. Uh, >> really? A young white man driving a yellow cab? >> One of the only ones. I met one other one.
>> Uh, it was it was a cool way to see the city. >> Wow. Yeah. I mean, tell us. You got any crazy cab stories? Being a young man in a cab in New York? I can't even imagine.
>> I had I saw a guy get murdered once and then I uh I had a rich white woman make me cry.
>> Ooh. How did the rich white woman make you cry? Well, she told me to take Central Park, which I took Central Park in my cab. She meant through Central Park, so she waited a while and she I just hear from the back, "What are you, an idiot?"
>> And I and just that. No. Uh, but she went on just to bere are you are you a [ __ ] idiot? And then eventually I just pulled over. I said, "Get out of my cab." And I had like tears coming down my eyes. And she tried to give me money.
I said, "I don't want your money."
I said, "What I did was an accident. What you did was mean." You're funny even when you're telling sad stories. This is incredible. He's an anomaly, folks.
Wow. You are without a doubt the second funniest Shane in the world.
Amazing. Amazing. So, uh, we have the story from 200, what' you say, 7 to 20 >> 2003, 2007. Uh, I lived there. I was working at a New York comedy club. And when I say working, open mics in front of other >> crazy people.
>> Yeah, we know how that works. And then what? So, you go back to Pensacola because you go broke. I went Pensacola and then I went to uh Chicago after that to try and make it and I didn't.
>> I went broke, went back home.
>> How long did you How long were you in Chicago? >> Three, four years. >> Okay. Three or four years. >> Awesome city. And then New Orleans. >> And you were doing And you were doing comedy in all these places? >> No, I gave up after New York.
>> Okay. What made you give up after New York? I hated myself.
>> That's when you become a true comedian. >> I did get funnier after I started hating myself. >> Yeah. Welcome. >> Welcome, my friend.
>> So, no, it was when I gave up uh you know, I I left Brooklyn right before CO cuz I got hit by a car and got epilepsy.
So, perfect. >> That that also makes you funnier by the way. All of these things. So the brain injury helped.
>> Yeah. Yep, it does it helps.
>> So when's the last time? So then you went to Chicago, then Pensacola, then Pensacola. You stayed mostly. >> Yeah, I've been in Pensacola, which actually after CO had a crazy uh comedy opportunities, so there's a lot of open mics and I actually got more stage time there than ever. Yeah.
>> In front of regular folks.
>> And you still live in Pensacola? Uh, yes. >> How do you make a living? Do you just do standup? >> Oh, I I'm I'm I'm I've had like 40some jobs. >> Oh, I love it. >> So, right now is like uh cabinets. >> Cabinets?
>> So, if you guys need a base 36-in cabinet, >> I'm your guy. >> Wow. Technically, you could get your whole place done here at Kill Tony. We have flooring, cabinets. You're leaving here with a brand new Toyota Camry. Uh, >> dancers in the back.
>> A deck of a deck of homemade cards. Uh, life coach. Congratulations. You have a new life coach, everybody. Cuz they don't strip.
All right. Um, wow, Shane. How I quit smoking to come here? My wife, the only way I would I went I spent all my money to go to Madison Square Garden both nights and then to come here. So, I have $100 left in my name, and it's totally worth it.
>> Really? Wow. You were at both MSGs and didn't get pulled. You were up there the whole time.
>> That's the way it goes. >> God damn it. We needed you. Especially [ __ ] night two. >> Jesus Christ. You would have [ __ ] brought the house down and it would have been a whole story about how you failed in New York and went back and then you made it in New York.
>> I know. Will you cry for us? >> Yeah. >> Kino, give me the single spotlight here.
Let's see if we can get this going all the way.
I'm getting word I'm getting word that Zack Efron wants you to be his new standin. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Uh, wow, Shane. So interesting. How long are you in town for? As long as you want me to be. Wow, look at that. That's amazing. Looks like I have a new boyfriend. Hello.
If you're here Thursday, I'd love to have you on the Secret Show Thursday.
Southwest. I'll be changing my flights. >> Shane, if you had to guess how much stand up, like a full set, the longest set you could do, how much uh accumulated material, if you had to just give me a ballpark amount.
>> My 15 is [ __ ] solid.
>> And are you writing at a good pace? >> Yeah, I write uh every Monday. Uh, I try to write for the open mic there and I try something new. Try to do something new all the time.
>> Um, but yeah, my solid 15 set is sharp.
Sharp. >> Where you Where you going to stay for the next three days? We got to stay. >> We're going to figure that out. >> I got I got I I'll get your hotel room. >> Look at that.
I NEED REAL TEARS. REAL TEARS.
>> MAN, I'm glad I followed my dreams. >> It gets better than that, guy. It gets better than that, Shane, because Brian Simpson is going to give you $100 your GoFundMe.
You're going to double your net worth here.
And on top of all that, you just won a golden ticket on Kil. I can't help it. We need people like you, Shane.
Crowds on their feet. Place is in a ruckus. Dreams are coming true. Couldn't make it in New York. Couldn't make it in Chicago. and he's made it here tonight.
Fantastic set, great performance, great interview. Everything about you is hilarious. Shane, come back again and uh let us know when you want to come cash that in sometime.
>> This was greatest day of my life.
>> Amazing. You did it, buddy. You gambled on yourself and you were correct. You're absolutely hilarious. One more time for Shane Camp, everybody. Red Band's actually crying. There's an actual tear in his eye.
All right. Someone's got to follow that. Someone's got to follow that. Make some noise for your next bucket pull. It is OG Rod Eckles. Everybody, >> WHAT'S UP? WHAT'S UP? WHAT'S UP? LIKE YOU SAID, I'M OG Rod Eckles, man. I just turned 60.
>> Yep. Starting wearing disposable underwear.
>> Yes, sir. I gave the government 20 years of my life. I did six years in the Air Force. 14 years federal prison. I retired from prison, though.
PTSD, post-traumatic sex disorder.
Yeah. from No Conjugal Visits. Just got in here. I went and got me some edibles. I tried some edibles. The lady, I said, "Hey, I want to try some edibles." She said, "You like cookies?"
I said, "Shit, don't I LOOK LIKE I LIKE COOKIES?" She gave me a bag of six cookies. I [ __ ] them up. SHE SAID, "STOP. NO. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" I SAID, "I'M EATING THESE [ __ ] COOKIES." She said, "No, son. That's not what you're supposed to do." I said, "What do you mean?" She said, "You're supposed to take a cookie, you break it in half, and you eat it like that. I LOOK AT THE LADY, I said, "Ma'am, when a YOU EVER SEEN A FAT [ __ ] eat a half a cookie?" That's my child. Appreciate y'all.
Brian Simpson, your dad is hilarious. This is This is a segment on the show that I call Black Man meets his dad. It's a new thing we're doing here. I wanted to surprise you. I know you were wondering why I had you on tonight's show. This is Mr. Simpson. This is Homer Simpson.
>> I love it. First question, OG Rod Eckles. And I I don't want to sound racist here, but how much watermelon do you have to eat to dress like that exactly?
Like I I've heard you are what you eat, but you, my friend, literally look like a watermelon.
>> Well, to be to be frankly, I own a men's clothing store in San Antonio, Texas. >> Beautiful. I like to wear my [ __ ] I like to flex my [ __ ] >> I love it. I love it. To be frankly, you look awesome. This is amazing. How long have you had >> If you red, green, blind, I'mma be invisible to you cuz you know you can't see.
>> Well, DMadness has no idea what's going on up here right now. I'll tell you that. He's red, green, yellow. Roy G.
Biv. Let's put it that way. >> Well, well, I'm a retired pimp for one, so I'm used to the swagger. >> You don't seem retired at all to me, my friend. You seem like business is [ __ ] booming.
>> Yeah. >> Amazing. How long were you pimping for, my OG Rod Eckles?
>> [ __ ] I was pimping for quite a while until uh >> Me too. >> I'm just kidding. Go ahead.
>> Until I had to start charging search charges for fuel. You know, gas went up on the [ __ ] >> Oh, yeah. These >> [ __ ] don't want to pay that [ __ ] [ __ ] start buying [ __ ] with Afterpay and [ __ ] Yep.
>> I ain't with that [ __ ] Yep. >> Cash in hand. >> Yep. Are are all your tricks uh life coaches now?
>> Actually, they not. I mean, you know, so one of my one of my [ __ ] you know, she went down to she went down to Florida and got a BBL. You know what I'm saying? She came back and I'm like, damn, [ __ ] WHERE YOU GET THAT ASS FROM? She said she got a BBL. She went to Florida. I'm like, that must have cost a lot. She said it did. I said, well, how the [ __ ] you going to do that?
She said, they gave me a loan. I said, what kind of loan? She should have gave me a 30-year loan. I'm like, damn, [ __ ] you're 60.
>> Oh my god. >> How did that going to happen? >> Oh my god. You go ahead. >> Never told us why you got locked up.
>> Hey, I was into, you know, I was into pharmaceutical sales. You know, like I tell him, you know, I'm from Memphis, Tennessee. Actually, that's where I'm from. Memphis. Yeah. The home of you got a cocaine fix and [ __ ] turn tricks.
You know what I'm saying? Ho. My hoes used to could suck a golf ball through a garden hole. Yep.
>> And for $20 more, they got a little powder in the nose. >> Wow. >> I'm glad you said $20 more. >> But that [ __ ] got me caught up. >> She said she was charging $1,000. >> Oh, hey, that [ __ ] [ __ ] That ain't no good [ __ ] right there. That ain't no good [ __ ] She She selling conversation. You know this ain't conversation ring.
That's my >> Brian [ __ ] Simpson.
Holy [ __ ] Oh my god. >> I'm in hustle and flow, too.
>> This is amazing. I love it. >> That trick. Get a whoop THAT TRICK. WHOOP THAT TRICK. Whoop that trick. >> All right. All right. We're going to set up the YouTube trademark uh thing. You can only do can only do like 5 seconds of a copyrighted song on YouTube. It's all good. It's all good. OG Rod Eckles, I only have 75 more questions for you.
>> I mean, you are amazing. So, these hoes out there, >> can you give us another example? Cuz we love a good story. All these people, look at these faces out here. There's not a [ __ ] pimp in this room. We want to know cuz we know it ain't easy. We know. We've been told pimping ain't easy. It it really ain't one of my hoes I had to get rid. So the [ __ ] called me, >> you know, THE SAME [ __ ] THAT GOT the BBS.
>> Of course, old ass old ass [ __ ] 60-y old.
>> You don't need no ass. You need a car. >> HOW THE [ __ ] YOU GET A HOW THE [ __ ] YOU GET A LOAN FOR ASS AND YOU CAN'T YOU YOU GOT A 300 CREDIT SCORE. I'M TRYING TO TRIP OFF THIS [ __ ] SO THE [ __ ] CALLED ME A COUPLE DAYS LATER. SHE SAID, "DADDY, I got this trick. I need a ride." I SAID, "DO YOU?" She said, "Yeah, can you GIVE ME A RIDE?" I SAID, "CALL PAT TURNER." SHE SAID, "WHO?" I SAID, "PAT TURNER." SHE SAID, "WHO IS THAT?" I SAID, "BITCH, PATCH YOUR FEET AND TURN A CORNER."
>> I swear when he started I like he ain't no pimp.
Now I really believe you. Hey, pimp. PIMPING IS PIMPING. THAT'S WHAT MEMPHIS STAND FOR. MAKING EASY MONEY. PIMPING HOES IN STYLE. EVERYBODY KNOW THAT.
Oh my god. Holy [ __ ] God damn. >> Hey, IT SPAN IT AND I SAID IT. GODDAMN IT. HEY.
>> Oh man. >> I know when you was a good luck fall. I'm going to follow that [ __ ] My [ __ ] fall bigger [ __ ] than that.
>> He [ __ ] up. >> That is amazing. >> Yeah, >> you are so interesting.
Holy [ __ ] We literally prison guards going, "OH [ __ ] COME HERE. COME HERE. COME HERE. COME HERE. PUT HIM ON LOCKDOWN. THAT MOTHERFUCKER'S GOING TO KILL TONY, BRO.
>> I feel like that cowboy come back to him and be like, "He sold me some [ __ ] at 74."
>> Yeah. >> Oh my god. You have any kids, OG Rod Eckles? >> I got kids. >> How many kids you got? >> I got five kids, man. I got three bisexuals.
>> Oh [ __ ] one stud and one emotional ass son that man I tell the [ __ ] come on son we gonna go do SOMETHING HE SAID NOT TODAY DAD NOT TODAY I'M LIKE DAMN WE JUST GOING FISHING I this motherfucker's crazy man but you know hey it is like it is though >> it is like it is though you are a bumper sticker machine I got to tell you everything you say sounds cooler than [ __ ] it is what it is though you you make everything so cool that is absolutely incredible So, six years in the Air Force. That's true. Huh? What were you doing in the Air Force, >> man? I was a health food inspector, man.
>> Yeah. >> No way. >> Yeah. >> Well, that's like me being a [ __ ] inspector. >> Hey, >> that sounds unbelievable. >> That's right. That's right. Hey, I could inspect some [ __ ] too. >> Well, I bet you have. I bet you have. Let me ask you this, cuz you were I could tell 6 years in the Air Force, 14 years in prison, but I can tell when I see a man who's been a pimp his whole [ __ ] life. You better believe that. So, let me ask you.
>> You better believe that. I'm I'm a [ __ ] surveyor. You know, I'm a [ __ ] surveyor. Hey, check this out. You know, I have beef with with with with my lesbians because if two punks together, they can tell what good dick is and what good ass is. But how the [ __ ] can two lesbian tell what good [ __ ] is by scissoring?
In the edit, I want you to superimpose like all those like all those numbers and math problems that are go over like Galipanakus' head in that one meme.
Just slowly zoom in on me and then put that up there.
>> Come on now. I need you to give me an answer on that. Can Can you answer that? I mean, as a personally, as a lesbian, I can tell you that uh smell.
>> My goodness. Absolutely incredible. >> I just want to go to a store.
>> Oh, you know, things like that. You don't want that, but you don't want to. That's a store where you're like, I don't know. I don't know if I'm going to really like anything. I'll swing by here just like loading the car.
I bought one. I'm the only person to ever go in that store and buy every small that he had.
And Michael Gonzalez. I'll get Michael some matching clothes. >> Oh my god. Absolutely incredible. Rod, you have a store. Is it like a real store? It's a storefront or >> I have a real I have a real clothing.
>> Is this in a a shed or something? Or is it like on a >> I got I got sell pimp clothes. I got a pimp clothes.
>> Oh boy. What's What's it called? Where's it at? What's it called? >> It's called Upsize Fashion. is in San Antonio, Texas. >> Upside fashion in San Antonio, Texas. You know, I need these Yelp reviews given to me right now.
>> It's in the Rolling Oaks Mall. >> It's in the mall. >> It's in the mall. >> OH [ __ ] >> [ __ ] HEY, >> MY FRIEND. We made it. >> And on top of that, on top of that, >> on top of that, I have a comedy club in the back of it. Wait, what?
>> I have a comedy club in the back of it and I run a series called Fashion Will Be Funny.
>> Oh my god. My goodness. How many people can you fit back there? >> I can fit 65 people. >> You got chairs for those people? You got 65 chairs?
>> You're goddamn right. >> Oh my god. How many of those chairs have been thrown at hose when they never That's what the hands for. You got to feel it for it to work.
>> And then I recruit hoes in there. I recruit my hoes in there. You know, high heels and dollar bills. That's what the >> Oh my god. He just did it again. He just did it again.
>> He did it again. He snuck another one in on us. God damn it. I love this stuff, >> baby. I can't wait to get back to s.
Yeah. Kill Tony ain't for the phony. >> Hey, I'm a I'm a real [ __ ] [ __ ] A little macaroni. Godamn it.
>> That's right. I do. I do. >> I also um But >> Red Band doesn't know how to spell upside or fashion. So, we're in real trouble here.
>> Upsize fashion. >> Up size. >> Size like small, big, tall. We got it all.
>> I I got the reviews right here, Tony. They're all positive.
>> Are you serious? Hold on. Let me Let me I got to I got to I got to see this. Hold on. Wait. No. No. Red Band still doesn't have it. >> Amazing customer. >> Oh my god, ladies and gentlemen. Oh my god. We have found it. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm here to tell you this [ __ ] is sitting at a 4.5.
Okay. How do you Okay, here we go. So, let's read some reviews. I got to tell you, they are all fivestar reviews except for what appears to be one.
What I want to know, just like you, is what's up with this [ __ ] ass [ __ ] What is this motherfucker's problem? And I gotta say it's really hard to get >> probably one of my hoes man.
>> Oh is from an Anthony Collins. You owe a guy named Anthony Collins money or something. There's one guy just left a one star. Everybody else says nice people very helpful. Friendly service.
They helped my son pick out an outfit.
They hemmed his pants on the spot and got him the shirt he wanted. >> I'm a tailor, too. I do alterations. >> Oh my god. Is there anything you don't do? >> I have more jobs than Tommy do. God damn it. >> than Tommy do.
>> Tommy? >> Who's Tommy?
>> Tommy from Martin. You come on now. >> Oh, I didn't even realize we were talking about Martin. >> I know a lot of Tommy guy. That's a That's a black program. >> No, no, no. I'm all up in the black program. Black program.
>> Absolutely. Absolutely. I love the I love black programs. You ever watch Cops?
>> I do. I do. YOU AIN'T MOTHER FORGOT. MEMPHIS IS the home of the first 48. Didn't you? >> I know. Absolutely. I know it all, man.
[ __ ] Young Dolph. >> Yeah. >> Preach. >> Yeah. Yeah. I'm from I'm from Orange Mound. Eightball MJG. That's where I grew up at. Right there.
>> That's right. >> Orange Mound, baby. Hey, three. What? Two round and three down. That's orange. >> I absolutely know these hoes will set you up, >> boy. All these hoes won't cuz you got to have control of a [ __ ] You know what I'm saying? THAT'S WHAT A PIMP IS. A PIMP. THAT'S A PLAYER in a management position.
So we know how to work that [ __ ] more.
Give me more. More to work that. Goddamn right. She like to argue, so I sent that [ __ ] to law school.
>> I absolutely [ __ ] love you, sir. I'm obsessed with you. Come back anytime. Sign up again. Big joke. You're the man, sir. All right, one last bucket pull.
One last bucket pull. Is this a [ __ ] episode or what? Huh?
Make some noise for your final bucket pull of the night. We know this guy. He works here. This is kind of crazy that he got pulled like this. Is amazing.
Make some noise for the great Grant Adcock. Everybody, >> [ __ ] yeah. Keep it going.
>> Sorry if I seem a little weird up here.
I was almost late for my uh time up here. I was just outside smoking a cigarette when they called me. And uh homeless guy was talking to me. He asked me for some money, which is fine. But I said, "Uh, sorry, man. I don't have any cash on me." And he said, "You got to spend money to make money.
So, I'm still trying to figure out what the hell that means.
Yeah, he was wearing a New York Jets jersey. That guy's had a tough life. Oh, man. I I'm trying to get better at small talk. Uh, fellas, you can maybe relate to this. You guys ever hear uh Hey, man. More than two shakes and you're playing with it.
>> You guys ever hear that? More than two shakes and you're playing with it.
>> Some guy say that to me earlier when I was taking a piss. He was like, "Hey man, more than two shakes and you're playing with it." >> I had to tell him, "Brother, I'm beating my dick over here."
What a smooth smooth back half of this episode. My goodness. I'm nervous for everybody as they come up here.
This is absolutely incredible. Grant, what a fantastic set. Good to see you again, my friend.
>> Thanks for having good to see you guys. >> Yeah, one of the true humble amazing comedians here at the Mothership. You're absolutely crushing Grant. Uh what's going on in life? It's been a while since we've seen you. Just a high heels and dollar bills basically.
>> That's right. Godamn it.
>> Same [ __ ] that claims she loves you, she will set you up. Out here on these streets, there ain't no such thing as luck. >> This show started gay and then just went pimp.
Am I right? The trajectory is amazing.
>> We have range here. Tony has range. He can be gay. He can be a pimp. Absolutely incredible. So, Grant, tell us more about your life.
What do we not know about you? Give us something interesting out here. You are a true comedian. You're a hilarious guy.
You You have a podcast with the great Pat O'Neal, Kel Tony. Royalty, >> Ray Gards, every um it's been good. Uh been trying to smoke more weed. Uh >> hell yeah.
>> Been trying to smoke more weed to help with my anxiety and my paranoia. Can you guys stop talking about me?
>> That was a bit. >> No, we love that. We love bits. They work. When they work, they're great.
>> Um, and that worked. Grant, I love it. >> It's like a hybrid of Nor McDonald and Shane Gillis. Mine, you know. >> Yeah, he's a funny guy.
>> Are you Irish? >> Yeah, Irish. >> Yeah, you seem Irish as [ __ ] >> [ __ ] yeah.
>> Hell yeah. I love it. You drink a lot. >> Love drinking, man. I uh People actually tell me I drink too much. And uh I tell them all the same thing. I say, "Give me my [ __ ] keys.
Amazing. Absolutely incredible." Grant, how long you been doing standup? >> Uh going on like uh probably like seven years. >> Seven years. Where at? Where was all of it at? Uh, I started in North Carolina, then I, uh, did it probably did like two mics there, and then I went to, uh, Alabama for a little bit, did it for like nine months, and I've been here for the rest of the time. So, >> nice. And, uh, tell us about your adventures here, cuz you work here now.
>> And how long's that been for? >> Uh, going on like three years. >> Were you at Vulcan before? >> No. No. >> What were you doing before that here? I was managing a coffee shop out in Westlake. >> Wow.
>> Slinging bean out in Westlake.
>> Is it the bean slinging? >> Hell yeah. Absolutely. >> But then I worked at a sunset strip for a long time, too.
I love it. What was the Wesley coffee shop? Civil Goat. >> It was called a coffee shark. >> Whoa. Never heard of it. All right. >> Yeah, it's not good anymore. >> It doesn't exist.
>> I was the last manager, I think. Yeah. >> Well, there you go. That's how you know you're good at what you do is when uh when when they have to retire the place after you're done. They're like, "It's never going to get better than this."
>> Yeah. We're out of all the essentials all the time. And I was like, "Fuck, man. I'm sorry." So >> amazing. Amazing. Amazing. And you're getting spots here all the time, right?
You're >> It's It's been all around town and [ __ ] It's been a lot of fun. This is Yeah. >> And you're blow you're blowing up.
You're so funny that you're doing a podcast with Pat O'Neal. >> He's [ __ ] insane. Yeah, >> he is. He's the absolute man right now. Uh Grant, congratulations. I mean, unbelievable set red.
>> I would love to have you back at the sunset. Uh >> [ __ ] yeah.
>> Grant, congratulations. So much fun. Uh here's a big joke book.
>> [ __ ] yeah. Thanks so much. >> There you go. Grant Adcock, ladies and gentlemen. Very funny man. Very funny man. Speaking of funny men, he does a podcast with what literally what appears to be in what seems to be everybody's uh I mean my favorite comedian in the world to watch right now. An absolute [ __ ] anomaly.
He is a freak of nature that writes and performs a brand new minute every single week. Uh, and uh, we're just excited to see him again. Ladies and gentlemen, one of the greatest regulars in the history of the show. I present to you the real deal, Pat O'Neal. Everybody, >> folks, >> I don't have a bedet, just a dog. Oh.
old school, you know, we don't need technology for everything.
Little bit more about me. Uh, I love chicks that are into anime.
>> Yeah. >> Yeah. Cuz in my experience, it's always far easier talking your way into the pants of a girl with the mind of a child.
>> Last week I heard this fat chick say she's having a hot girl summer. I was like, I [ __ ] bet.
make it for our Siberian next year.
Okay, thank you. Wow. Jesus [ __ ] Christ, people.
>> The anomaly, the real deal. Pat O'Neal has without a doubt done it yet again. I mean every single week coming out with the absolute strongest, craziest, most diabolical punchlines and shaking the room. I mean, it is just absolutely amazing to watch.
Uh, welcome. Welcome. How are you, buddy?
>> Pretty good, thank you. >> You're so you're so >> you're so fun to see and look at. I've never heard that before. I know. It's just I mean every week I I literally think it every week. Every time I've ever turned from this way to that way, I'm like, "Ah, so fun."
>> Where do you get your shirts, by the way? Your shirts are out of control.
>> Well, I get them from a upsized fashion in San Antonio. I tend to buy a It's a pimp's repertoire, if you will, Tony. I tend to do a tight five in the back. Uh, we do a little stand up there and I buy a pimp a pimp shirt. Where do you get these wild shirts from?
>> There's anything that looks cool. This place is called Hoodie Lab.
>> Oh, wow. Amazing. >> Yeah. >> Amazing. >> Crazy. They look cool on mushrooms. I buy whatever looks cool on mushrooms. >> He just puts zany in in the search bar.
And I'm just looking for Xanax when I do that.
Oh, you are a [ __ ] machine, Pat O'Neal. How's life? Anything different this week? Anything crazy? Um, I was pumped to see Grant just get pulled, my trusty podcast partner. [ __ ] that was that was great. Um, traveled some of this great country of ours with uh Martin Phillips and Hans Kim. Oh god.
And I wasn't the one driving.
>> Whoa. Uhoh. >> Which one was Somehow Martin is the best one for the job, believe it or not. >> It's actually phenomenal. Yeah. >> Wow. Incredible. So, in a situation like that, you three in the car, are you do you ride shotgun or do you ride in the back?
>> Oh, I was in the back.
>> Nice. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> That's the safe spot. I'm >> scared to make eye contact with them. >> Just keep looking at me like, "No, you ain't put me in that world." >> Yeah. I know. What the [ __ ] >> I've never seen anybody do a Pat O'Neal impression before.
>> I mean, you don't have to. I don't enjoy mirrors either.
>> Oh my god. Oh my god. We must protect this man.
If you ever see Pat O'Neal out there on the streets, you make sure nobody messes with them. Make sure you walk them with them from point A to point B. We must protect this man. Hey, that's what I'm doing. I'm I'm I'm making every Kill Tony fan your security anytime they see you. They might actually be the ones that kill you. But >> in any matter, we need to keep you safe.
We must protect you and your brain every single week. Unbelievable. You've done it again. One more time for the great Pat.
>> Wow, what a [ __ ] episode. Do me a favor, everyone. After this episode's all done, go watch go straight to uh garywowen.live and go watch this man live. Please, for the love of God, he's coming to a city near you. Truly, I swear to you, as you can tell from this episode, truly one of the funniest [ __ ] human beings in the world. It was such an honor to have you here tonight, Gary. Like I said before I brought you out, I've always wanted you on this show since I was a door guy at the Comedy Store. Before I even started this show, you've always been one of my favorites. One more time for Gary Owen.
Ladies and gentlemen, Brian Simpson is the [ __ ] man.
His special uh that was on Netflix, ran for its 2-year licensing deal, as so many of them do, and is now crushing it on YouTube. Remind me the name of it one more time, Brian. The name of your special.
>> Live from the mothership. I filmed it right here on this stage.
>> That's right. >> We're already at 300,000 views. Help me run that [ __ ] up. Thank you. So, you know what to do. You go to garywowen.live, buy tickets, see if he's coming near you, and then you go to Brian Simp YouTube/Brian Simpson comedy BS comedy.
>> Brian Simpson on uh YouTube.
>> Yep. Type in Brian Simpson live at the Mothership. Watch his special. And now you have that homework and more homework for you. 9:26 Dallas, October 17th, Houston. You're getting your own kill Tony's. Congratulations. November 13th and 14th in Las Vegas, Nevada. That's two episodes of Kill Tony Live. Every episode, of course, different back to back. And then New Year's Eve here in the greatest comedy city in the world, Austin, Texas. I mean, look, look, uh, what's his [ __ ] name? Shane Camp. Had to go to [ __ ] New York, Chicago, and he made it here tonight. He's a superstar now. So, follow him. He is supposedly on social media at Shaneamp Comedian 5558. I'm pretty sure that's his Wi-Fi password or something like that. Oh, Shane Camp comedian. Oh, okay.
>> Uh, check out Sunsetstripatx.com. Secret show every Thursday. Love you. >> Yep. We love you guys. God bless this audience and God bless the United States of America. Thank you.